Fast Tracking Motherhood.

Motherhood is challenging. It can be especially difficult as children transition into adulthood and parents find their roles changing.

The Empty Nest Stage

I still have a few years to go till I have hit the “empty nest” stage of my parenting. Even though I am not there yet, I feel like I’m mentally preparing as I foresee it as the next segment in my life. But what I am feeling now, my dear wife Michelle, has been experiencing for much longer, as it is much more natural for a mother to feel the impact of her children’s changing seasons.

With three boys, now all in the “teenage years,” Michelle finds herself unsettled. It’s an obscurity as a mother that she has never felt before. She’s finding it hard to accept her dependent boys transforming into independent men. What has been for so many years is drastically changing, awakening her to the inevitable reality that her days of childhood nurturing are numbered.

Tag-Team Parenting

We now find ourselves “tag team” parenting as we never have before. Things are changing. In this stage of child rearing, at times we feel caught off guard, and clumsily muddling through. The tables have switched as there is now a growing lean that the boys have toward me; in their quest to receive a man’s perspective to help in dealing with “manhood adulting issues” – let’s face it, Mom just doesn’t cut it anymore.

This is nothing I take any pride or glory in, as I see her more distant and unable to connect in the issues that arise during family discussions. I feel for her, as I see her awareness of losing a fundamental aspect of her motherhood. I know it hurts her as she struggles with the reality of this dreaded stage of “letting go” that naturally comes for every parent.

Launching Adult Children

Another term used for the “empty nest” chapter of parenting is “Launching Adult Children.”

I find that wording humorous, as I depict in my mind one of my boys, sitting in the bucket of a huge catapult on the top of my house, ready to project him off into the far distance away from us, never to return. There’s a foreboding feeling of finality in this term.

Coffee on the Couch

Beginning each day, Michelle and I ritualistically share our morning coffee in the living room. Through the many changes that have occurred over the years, this time of bonding, communicating, and a review of the upcoming day’s hurtles, remains. The coffee, the mugs and the couch may still be the same, but the content has evolved as the boys have aged. The issues and topics are more challenging, as they involve bigger and more complicated resolutions.

Michelle often reflects, between sips of coffee, on how changing dirty diapers was simple in comparison – how true. The challenges that faced daily caregiving ten years ago seem like nothing now. Physically, those days had their exhausting moments, requiring much energy in clean-up, running after and strapping-in. It seems now the problems we are facing involve a more in-depth process; there’s few quick fixes. Unlike the problems that occur now, spilled milk was a mishap that did not emotionally drain us or require very careful thought about next words, actions, or discipline.

As parents we are still meeting their basic needs and doing all that is needed and expected since they came out of the womb. As parents we continue to nurture their physical, spiritual, emotional, and educational needs, and discipline as necessary, but now it seems ten times tougher, more demanding, and with more at stake.

Developing in Faith

What we would give to be able to go back to fighting a little human being, only a quarter our size, to sit on a toilet and learn to use it. The battles of those days seem nominal now compared to post-secondary school options, getting a driver’s license, first jobs, girlfriends, managing screen time, keeping up on their responsibilities as well as guiding them as they develop in their faith, standing for truth within their schools and peer groups.

James 4:14 says,

“What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

James 4:14

As a mother, Michelle feels now, more than ever, the fleeting days.

Are you a mother like my wife, in the same parenting stage, feeling the same things?

“So, teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

Psalm 90:12

How do you take a verse like Psalm 90:12 and apply it to your life?

Hannah

When I think of a mother in the Bible who was the epitome of nurturing and sacrificial love, it’s Hannah. Hannah knew well about the truth that a mother would glean from Psalm 90:12.

Her story is told to us in the first two chapters of the book of 1 Samuel. Her husband’s name was Elkanah. Hannah was one of his two wives.

Elkanah was a godly man; faithful and devout. He loved Hannah very much, but Hannah had an issue that plagued her married life; she could not have a baby. Remember, this was back in a time when being a wife and having children was very important. Her husband was very gracious and understanding toward her, but his other wife, Peninnah, would belittle Hannah’s inability to bear a child. So, Hannah, for many years, dealt with feelings of inadequacy.

A Promise to the Lord

One year, during their annual trip to worship God in the town of Shiloh, Hannah privately went before the Lord and cried out to Him for a child. She made a promise to the Lord; if He would grant her a baby boy, she would give him back to the Lord for His service. The Lord heard her prayer and shortly after they returned home, she became pregnant. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy. As a memorial of how God heard her prayer, she named him Samuel, which means “heard by God.”

Her days with Samuel were definitely numbered, as the plan was that when she finished nursing him, he would leave her and his family, and live at the House of the Lord in Shiloh to serve alongside the priests there. This means that Samuel left the nurture of his mother when he was probably only three years old.

What a great sacrifice for a mother.

Fast Tracking Motherhood

That was, in fact, fast-tracking motherhood! In those first three years of infancy, Hannah must have invested every moment of every day into him, knowing that her time was short, her days with him were numbered. Little Samuel had to grow up pretty quickly.

According to what the Bible tells us, it seems that she only saw Samuel once a year when the family would travel to worship the Lord in Shiloh. During their time apart, she made a yearly ritual of sewing Samuel a small coat, which she would present to him during their annual reunion. Hannah must have put much thought, effort and love into each one of those little coats musing over him with every stitch, laced with precious thoughts of him as she calculated his growth each year in the design. What a much anticipated and joyous event it must have been for her to finally see him again and give him his new little coat every year.

Mothering to Maturity

Year to year as those coats got bigger, I’m sure she felt that, again, the days were numbered. We’re not told when she stopped making coats for Samuel, which were the symbol of her continuous nurturing for him from afar. As we read on, the scriptures tell how Samuel grew and became a great man of God.

Much of that maturity, I’m sure, is due to the love his mother had for him. She used that very short time she had with him wisely and extended the nurturing she so desperately wanted to give, even past the time allotted to her.

Parenthood Goes by Fast

When looking back, a mother’s time raising her children, could seem as brief as Hannah’s with Samuel. Parenthood goes by so fast. We have our children for only a short time. May we learn a lesson from Hannah’s example of prudence and sacrifice; seize the moments that we have with our children, at every stage of their development and make the most of those days. This is the heart of wisdom that every mother needs.

Here are a couple more scriptures for mothers and fathers to consider, that instruct us to seize each day and make the most of every opportunity:

Ephesians 5:15-16 says,

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

Ephesians 5:15-16

Matthew 6:33-34 tells us to

“seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 6:33-34

I’ll close with a quote from themerrymomma.com:

Whenever he asks, “Mommy, carry me?” I always say “Yes.” I never know when it will be the last time he asks.”

themerrymomma.com

Happy Mother’s Day from FBH International!

God bless you as you strive to bring up your kids for God’s glory.

Have you experienced parenting or motherhood? We would love to hear from you. Comment below or contact us at HopeStreamRadio.

Mark Hillis

Mark lives in the small rural village of Fenwick, Ontario with his wife Michelle and three boys.

He joined the FBH International team in February 2022, coming from the business world with a design and art background.

Mark is particularly interested in seeing people come to Christ and grow in their faith. He recently produced the series entitled: Sow to Grow.

Mark serves as an elder at Brockview Bible Chapel in St.Catharines , Ontario. 

Visit Mark’s contributor’s page here.

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Images Courtesy of:

Family – chillla70

Coffee on Couch – Stocksnap

Hannah, Samuel – Topham